internal feelings about food

1. When did you start using food for non-nutritional reasons? Why was it that you started medicating yourself with food, taking care of yourself with food and comforting yourself with food? Go back to that time and write down what you were feeling and experiencing at the time.
this goes way back. as far as i can remember. don't think it was too uncommon, but i'd get treats for doing good, or we'd eat ice cream if we didn't feel good. i LIKE the way sweets taste, and so it has always been a treat for me. i remember being around 5-7 and hiding food, and sneaking money for candy. my family spoke things over me, too. like-"everyone in the bates family is fat", or when we over eat it was, "that's the old bates blood". it was not abnormal for eating to be a treat, or comfort. it is making me so aware of what i do for my kids. i know when i was a kid, i felt fat. i think it was about 2nd grade when a little boy said it. i think i just started eating more and more. i remember feeling deprived if i didnt get a sweet snack or treat. i'd say i was younger than 7 when i remember my grandmother trying to help me "diet". she'd give me diet candy...tasted like crap, but dang that must have been confusing for a kiddo. i always felt fat-wheter or not i really was.
2. Write down all of the insecurities that you're feeling right now.
i feel uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes, in big crowds. i feel like people look at me as being "unhealthy" or they judge me because of my size.
3. Now look at your answers to question one and question two together. The answers to question two may be more specific because you don't have to remember as far back, but do you see similarities?
i felt uncomfortable then and now...i medicated my emotions with food.
4. Now take every comment, fear and anxiety that you wrote down in response to questions one and two and challenge them. In writing. For example, if one of your fears is, "My spouse isn't really attracted to me because of my weight," challenge it by writing down a piece of evidence. Evidence isn't, "Because that's the way I feel." Write down any facts you have that can support your challenge. For example, "My spouse met, fell in love with, and married me while I was at my heaviest weight." Challenge every fear and negative thought you wrote down in this manner with facts you can support.
i am working on my body inside and out, and therefore it is changing. i am fearfully and wonderfully made. i bring light to darkness and crowds of people are drawn to the light. i don't walk in fear of anything, anyone, or any circumstance, and therefore judgement or man's opinion does not affect who i am or what i'm doing.